Oops! It appears that you have disabled your Javascript. In order for you to see this page as it is meant to appear, we ask that you please re-enable your Javascript!

River of the Mind

I find myself on the river. I think it helps quiet the voices, the conversations in my head. The what ifs and the why nots. It also talks to me, the waves crashing in on themselves, rushing to conclusions like I so often do myself. 

It’s not that I don’t judge myself as unwell. I actually do. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. But we all do, right? Or is that what we tell ourselves to help feel better about the voices in our head?

This. This right here is why I go to the river. This is the sound I drown out why listening to every drop of water while not hearing a single sound. Everything but nothing. Sound familiar? Because I think it does. I can conquer the world but I’m not good enough to try.

It’s the voices I hide from. But it’s also the voices that speak so much clearer when on the river’s edge. I hear them. I hear him. I miss all the conversations we never had, I wanted to have. But that’s just not how it worked. I blame him, but I didn’t know how to either. And maybe that’s why he went to the river. Because that’s what he knew how to do. 

How much am I trying to speak to my dad when in actuality I’m just trying to talk to myself. The quiet deafening sound of the roaring silence caused by the power of a single drop of water. The power to clear, filling the emptiness of nothing, it fills the void when there’s nothing other than everything.

The river races like the mind. But then it does not. The river needs to move. Because if it does not, what is it other than a void filled by thought.

Sadie, South Fork, 2018

The Act of Prayer

Finding a quiet place, kneeling down, bowing one’s head, appreciating the things before you.

As a spiritual person, yes I do indeed pray. But the difference between how I pray now versus how I prayed as a “religious” man is that I do so now with my eyes open, in nature, appreciating while attempting to understand the complexities in the smallest creations found lying at my feet. I pray while walking. I pray while fishing. I pray while in nature, the mountains, the river. I think “This is God. This is Peace. This is the Grand Design.”

But to pray with eyes open, I see the destruction of our god, the grand loss of beauty that surrounds me. This is what man is destroying; our collective god, ourselves, our future.

I am disgusted by the hypocrisy behind our (yes, our) destroying of the greatest gift granted to humankind; an earth, a sphere, an interconnected web of life, greater than we will ever comprehend.

It’s not about black and white. It’s not about right or wrong. It’s not about politics or profit. But it does need to be about correcting the course, changing the trajectory, and having the discussion.

Stop waiting for the next life, a ‘better’ life. “If this is all there is, then what we do here is the only thing that matters. In fact, it makes it matter all that much more.” (House)

Maybe this isn’t all there is, but does it really matter? Respect each other. Respect our collective home, this amazing earth. What will we lose if we don’t? What do we gain if we do?

Come together, start the conversation, rebuild our community. Find a better way to solve problems. Together.

October 14th, 2018

Temperatures have taken a turn, a dusting of snow covers the mountains surrounding town, and fall colors are making their last stand before turning in for a season. It is a bit strange to have temps in the 20s and waking up to 4″ of snow on a day I had hoped to mow the lawn for the last time and trim up the perennial beds for the end of the growing season.